I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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