im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
