I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
