just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
