Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize