you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
