i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
