I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
