I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
