Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
