I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I see more hoeing in ur future
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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