I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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