All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
