so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
