I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
