Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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