i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
