Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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