Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
