I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
