Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
