whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
