He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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