Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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