So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
