No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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