My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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