My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize