no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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