Sry I called you an 8
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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