I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Less talking, more tequila
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
