why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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