I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He? As in you personified your dick?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
