dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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