It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
two words: eviction party
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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