it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
