you have to choose: penises or morals?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
