my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
