I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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