Whod you bang
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
