He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
