This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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