Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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