I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
