Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
