I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
