K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
