you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize