And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
