I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
