I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
