I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Randomize
