If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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