thus making me awesome and them whores
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
whose ass print is on the piano?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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