i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
