she was so not down for the gang bang
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
