a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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