12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
