woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
