Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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