i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
