I've blown a few things in my day
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
