my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
