If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize