is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
In other news, I just burned my penis
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
