We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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