physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As shirtless as possible
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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