ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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