you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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