dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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