Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
