I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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