It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize