I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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