Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
