My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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