New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
