Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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