haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
