I met the friendliest cop last night
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
