I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
