I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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