Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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