literally had 100 drinks last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
