just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
