the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
