From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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