2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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