I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
