Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
