My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Randomize
