Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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